4/01/2013

Dear My Ex,


Di ko alam san koh uumpisahan ang sulat na to. I don't hate you but i wanted to hate you so bad. Lately i've been saying na i wanted you to be miserable... both of you i wanted you to be miserable so bad. I want you guys to experience that pain i'm experiencing... ten times the pain i'm experiencing. I've been reading articles... i've been talking to mr. Googgle to find ways to let you go. I even went out of town this weekend just to have fun w/ friends and so i can forget about you for a moment. I had fun... i was able to enjoy my life again... and nag-shopping akoh even if it was out of my budget so i can enjoy my day. I dunno how you doing... cuz naglaho ka na lang.... i don't even know if you even missed me. I gave you almost a week to explain... or to even at least ask for a apology... i think i deserve even just that. I'm not even asking you that we be together again... i'm not even asking you to be on your knees... i think just one simple i'm sorry. And that's it and we'll both go on our different ways. Yeah nung mga emo akoh andyan kah.... but i think i had more emo moments w/ you... you caused most of my emo moments. We had more sad times than happy times... and of course i'm just realizing that now right. It's been a 'lil more than a week only but i feel like the pain is forever and i feel like suddenly you are just a stranger. I'm tryin' not to think so much of wat we had... or did we really have anythin'? cuz i feel like everythin' was a lie from d' beginning... i don't even know if you u even ever loved. I feel like everythin' was just one big lie. But a friend told me i cannot make that judgment 'bout you... maybe kahit konti minahal moh akoh. Or di moh akoh pagtitiyagaan nang gantong katagal devah. Or maybe you just needed me. I dunno the truth and maybe i will never find out cuz even the truth that i found out didn't even come from you. So funny. Di koh alam pano akoh magrereact nung moment na malaman koh ang truth... gustong kong sabihin sa mukha moh... tama akoh! I've been right all along but I ignored my instinct! I totally ignored those and I believed your lies.... you are such a good liar that's all i can say... i dunno how long you've been hiding it but all i can say ur pretty good. I dunno kung akoh ang may problema for believing ur lies or kaw may problema for keep lyin'... i dunno. Kanina i was kinda reading some articles... I feel like it was my fault.... for loving you too much!... I think i loved you too much that I got scared 'bout lot of things... it wasn't love... i think wat i had for you wasn't love... it was more like a fear....  it was more like a fear of losing you or fear of bein' single again. But our relationship didn't even start right anyways.... it was complicated from d' very beginning... and how ironic... it didn't end right as well. It didn't even have an ending cuz you were just gone in d' wind w/out explanation no nothing. But i don't hate you... I don't really miss you neither and i think i don't even love you anymore too. I think i'm just having a pain of being fooled by you and being lied by you and being used by you. You were kinda distant too anyways lately... funny i thought we just too comfortable cuz we weren't really fighting this past months... i dunno blangko na brain koh... i just hope you'll be happy w/ your decisions. I know you will remember and miss me cuz i didn't do anythin' bad to you or anything to harm you. I've been there on d' lowest time of ur life... or one of d' lowest time of ur life. I've always been there for you... i never judged you or anything. I've loved you inspite of anything. I accepted everything that was wrong with you... i accepted all the pain that you caused me.... I was willing to accept and I was willing to suffer just about anything for you... i think i loved you more than i have loved myself.... and i guess that article was right... i loved you too much... i have loved you too much. One article that I read too said in order to move on from ur ex eh do not think about him... i think i'm still having a hard time on that. But i'm gonna heal as times goes by... but when i finally heal i might just forget all 'bout you... i might forget you even existed. I think i'm done crying for you... now it's ur turn to cry for me. You gonna missed me so much that you gonna have a hard time. Nobody will ever loved you as much as i have loved you . I loved you too much and now I wanted to hate you so bad. But again I dont... you're just a human capable of hurting anyone's feelings and you were very successful w/ mine. But do not forget... this can happen to you too tenfolds of d' pain you caused me. But hopefully not... baka di moh kayanin ang pain. Sige... this probably won't be the last time i'll be talkin' to u like this... but also it could be d' last time. Who knows right. Oh yeah nabuhay akoh non na wala kah... so i can live again w/out you. Sayang lang... pinakawalan moh ang taong minahal ka nang sobrah. Everytime you'll hear my name you'll remember and miss me... too bad my name is too common you'll probably hear it all the time. Anyway.... i do not hate you... and i do not love you too anymore or maybe i just think i don't love you... or I chose to stop loving you. Maging masaya kah sana w/ ur decision. But i still wish you good life... your not that bad of a person... but i hope this will serve you a lesson as well. Sana lang. So yeah... have a good life... I guess I love you Goodbye.