4/01/2013

Dear My Ex,


Di ko alam san koh uumpisahan ang sulat na to. I don't hate you but i wanted to hate you so bad. Lately i've been saying na i wanted you to be miserable... both of you i wanted you to be miserable so bad. I want you guys to experience that pain i'm experiencing... ten times the pain i'm experiencing. I've been reading articles... i've been talking to mr. Googgle to find ways to let you go. I even went out of town this weekend just to have fun w/ friends and so i can forget about you for a moment. I had fun... i was able to enjoy my life again... and nag-shopping akoh even if it was out of my budget so i can enjoy my day. I dunno how you doing... cuz naglaho ka na lang.... i don't even know if you even missed me. I gave you almost a week to explain... or to even at least ask for a apology... i think i deserve even just that. I'm not even asking you that we be together again... i'm not even asking you to be on your knees... i think just one simple i'm sorry. And that's it and we'll both go on our different ways. Yeah nung mga emo akoh andyan kah.... but i think i had more emo moments w/ you... you caused most of my emo moments. We had more sad times than happy times... and of course i'm just realizing that now right. It's been a 'lil more than a week only but i feel like the pain is forever and i feel like suddenly you are just a stranger. I'm tryin' not to think so much of wat we had... or did we really have anythin'? cuz i feel like everythin' was a lie from d' beginning... i don't even know if you u even ever loved. I feel like everythin' was just one big lie. But a friend told me i cannot make that judgment 'bout you... maybe kahit konti minahal moh akoh. Or di moh akoh pagtitiyagaan nang gantong katagal devah. Or maybe you just needed me. I dunno the truth and maybe i will never find out cuz even the truth that i found out didn't even come from you. So funny. Di koh alam pano akoh magrereact nung moment na malaman koh ang truth... gustong kong sabihin sa mukha moh... tama akoh! I've been right all along but I ignored my instinct! I totally ignored those and I believed your lies.... you are such a good liar that's all i can say... i dunno how long you've been hiding it but all i can say ur pretty good. I dunno kung akoh ang may problema for believing ur lies or kaw may problema for keep lyin'... i dunno. Kanina i was kinda reading some articles... I feel like it was my fault.... for loving you too much!... I think i loved you too much that I got scared 'bout lot of things... it wasn't love... i think wat i had for you wasn't love... it was more like a fear....  it was more like a fear of losing you or fear of bein' single again. But our relationship didn't even start right anyways.... it was complicated from d' very beginning... and how ironic... it didn't end right as well. It didn't even have an ending cuz you were just gone in d' wind w/out explanation no nothing. But i don't hate you... I don't really miss you neither and i think i don't even love you anymore too. I think i'm just having a pain of being fooled by you and being lied by you and being used by you. You were kinda distant too anyways lately... funny i thought we just too comfortable cuz we weren't really fighting this past months... i dunno blangko na brain koh... i just hope you'll be happy w/ your decisions. I know you will remember and miss me cuz i didn't do anythin' bad to you or anything to harm you. I've been there on d' lowest time of ur life... or one of d' lowest time of ur life. I've always been there for you... i never judged you or anything. I've loved you inspite of anything. I accepted everything that was wrong with you... i accepted all the pain that you caused me.... I was willing to accept and I was willing to suffer just about anything for you... i think i loved you more than i have loved myself.... and i guess that article was right... i loved you too much... i have loved you too much. One article that I read too said in order to move on from ur ex eh do not think about him... i think i'm still having a hard time on that. But i'm gonna heal as times goes by... but when i finally heal i might just forget all 'bout you... i might forget you even existed. I think i'm done crying for you... now it's ur turn to cry for me. You gonna missed me so much that you gonna have a hard time. Nobody will ever loved you as much as i have loved you . I loved you too much and now I wanted to hate you so bad. But again I dont... you're just a human capable of hurting anyone's feelings and you were very successful w/ mine. But do not forget... this can happen to you too tenfolds of d' pain you caused me. But hopefully not... baka di moh kayanin ang pain. Sige... this probably won't be the last time i'll be talkin' to u like this... but also it could be d' last time. Who knows right. Oh yeah nabuhay akoh non na wala kah... so i can live again w/out you. Sayang lang... pinakawalan moh ang taong minahal ka nang sobrah. Everytime you'll hear my name you'll remember and miss me... too bad my name is too common you'll probably hear it all the time. Anyway.... i do not hate you... and i do not love you too anymore or maybe i just think i don't love you... or I chose to stop loving you. Maging masaya kah sana w/ ur decision. But i still wish you good life... your not that bad of a person... but i hope this will serve you a lesson as well. Sana lang. So yeah... have a good life... I guess I love you Goodbye. 


17 comments:

  1. Ang sakit naman nito. God forbid pero wen i had this same feeling b4 naisipan ko talagang itigil ang buhay ko. Good thing naka moved on ako kasi bumalik sya

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  2. mahaba to but i read it. no skip read. so handa sa comment ko. mahaba-haba ito. hindi ako expert but i will tell u based on what i have experienced.

    how r u holding up sis? how r u now?

    first, good because u let it out, u write it and blog it. thats a good move. shopping and going out with friends, a little, it helped u right? good. sis, try to ride a roller coaster for half day, shout it there, shout it loud what u feel, dont mind the tears that will fall into ur eyes, its normal. ive done this and it helps. eat something sweet and never forget to talk a lot of friends, it will help ur mind think of other things, it will help u not to think of him.

    2nd, there is no shortcuts in a process of healing, even experts, doctors who deals with marriage or couples, they go to the same process. its normal to feel angry. if u are familiar with the grieving process, nangyayari na siya actually sau ngayon, u go through denial already, now ur angry, then that will follow with bargaining then ul get depressed and soon enough u will accept it. just accept the pain, i know it is hard, u are beautiful inside and out, u just have to focus on what is ur goal really in life before u met him then try to bring back that goal.

    3rd, i know u have given him enough of urself, of being u then wala ka na dapat ipag-alala doon kasi when u know u have given everything to him, hahanapin niya yon for once sa buhay niya at makapagisip siya. walang nawala sayo sis, tandaan mo yan, wala talaga kasi i know u have loved him more than he thought that u could. siya ang nawalan hindi ikaw. its like this, binigay mo ang lahat2x na parang maubos na yong pagkatao mo pero sa huli feeling mo kulang pa rin pero sa totoo lang siya ang nawalan kasi kung may dumating man sa kanyang bago, he will always look up to the love u had for him which hindi naman mapapantayan ng bagong dumating sa ex mo. tandaan, walang nawala sayo sis kasi u have given him everything.

    4th, there is always life after this. i know its hard sa simula, wala talagang madali, just go with the process sis, lahat dumaan dyan, kahit ako. just be aware of the things i have told u about the process of grieving. the normal grieving is to cry then laugh, cry and laugh. dont be static with ur feelings okay? if u think that the pain is coming back then try to prevent it, talk to a lot of people, share ur pain, marami naman willing to listen. just open ur mind and heart.

    5th, soon u will realize that ur better off without him. not now i know, its hard. u just need to open ur mind now, focus on the goal u have in life, ur dreams, what are ur dreams now? then start there like i said diba. matatapos din yan sis, il tell u. magiging ok ka rin just be strong and believe, attract positive things will happen sa buhay mo after this. ul get through. if u need anything email me larrah06@yahoo.com be good there, ok?

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. Nagulat ako sa comment ni Lala. Pang blog post na din! Hahaha!

    Anyways, nabasa ba 'to ng ex mo? It's a good letter, bittersweet? Ayun, at least you wish him well. And good luck sa'yo, sa pag momove on. God bless! :")

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  5. Dear my dearest dhi,

    Yaan mo na lang si ex. Sigurado pagsisihan niya ang ginawa niya sayo. At siguradong manghihinayang siya.

    Let go ka na lang at mag move on na...though, mahirap pero alam kong kaya mo iyan. Ikaw pa!

    Sabi mo nga, nabuhay ka noon na wala siya. Ngayon pa kaya? Di ba? Di ba?

    *hugs*

    Ingats! SMILE! :D

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  6. si ex kailangang ibaon ng buhay yan. aspaltuhan ang lupa para hindi na makaahon pa.

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  7. Need a hug? Hang in there ate, I know its tough times right now, but for sure it'll all get better. And as for your ex, bahala na ang karma sa kanya.

    *HUUUUUGS!*

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  8. Hala! Matapos ang ilang taon ng kasweetan mo ito ang madadatnan ko dito ngayon. I feel sad for you but not sorry, and panandalian lang ang sadness. Hindi yan ang katapusan ng mundo mo and you know it... Lika dito papasayahin kita LOL. Sampalin mo silang lahat.

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  9. OK dahil hindi ako busy sasagutin ko yung comment mo sa blog ko just now hahaha! Your blog in one word: girly haha! OK naman hindi naman cluttered ang sidebar at header. Readable naman ang font color against the background. Yung paragraph na lang! Siguro divide divide mo rin pag may time hehe! OK I hope this helped!

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  10. Hi dhianz! remember me? hope u doin good out there!

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  11. OO nga super gurly.. pink kung pink... pero I like!



    hindi ako maka-relate sa letter for you Ex kasi NBSB ako... hehehe

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  12. A break up. hmmm.,

    A had short relationships. Pero never had one that I can say na sobrang nasayangan ako. I guess, baka masapak mo ko nyaha, that getting hurt is part of the process too. I know it's painful. Unexplainable pain on the chest. Left side. Pero lucky are those na nasasaktan, kasi the next time they fell in love.. mas gamay na nila. Alam na nila kung ano ang gagawin.

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  13. Kung sa pagmomove on lang, mahirap talaga. Masakit sa isipan yung sa sandali na maaalala mo ang mga pagkakataon na kayo ay magkasama at sabay na nagsusubuan ng pinipig sa ilalim ng buwan, ngunit naniniwala ako na ang bawat tao ay may nakatakdang makakasama sa habambuhay. Malay natin at parating na ang para sa iyo. Huwag na malungkot. :)

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  14. wag mong iyakan.......la namang abs yan e..lol p
    -pajay

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  15. Gigising ka din isang umaga at mapapabulong ng,

    "Ginawa ko lahat. Ginago mo 'ko. Ikaw ang talo. Ikaw ang bobo dahil hindi mo na-appreciate yon."

    Ok sige, ako na may pinaghuhugutan.

    Mahirap mag-move on kaya di ko ia-advice yon. Magbabasa na lamang ako ng mga rants mo sa mga darating na panahon (dahil alam kong may kasunod pa ang mga ito), at sana'y maging sapat na iyon upang masabi mong hindi lang pala ang ex mo ang nagi-isang tao sa mundo.

    Muli, sadyang may pinaghuhugutan lamang ako.

    Magandang araw! :)

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  16. thanks you guyz for all your komentz and all your advice and all your love... thank you!... sensya nah di na akoh nakapagkoment back ditoh but i think i visited some of u guyz back... sori i've been lazy and been bz and yeahhh.... churi and again thank you from the bottom of my heart.... i love you all... and i am doing fine now... God is w/ me this whole time and i believe everythin' happens for a reason.. and my heartache was exchange w/ a lot of blessings... love yah'll and Godbless!

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